One of the things that people don’t necessarily discuss with relocation and international expatriation is the mixed emotions that come along with picking your life up and dropping it into a completely unfamiliar culture. There is the excitement of new places, people, jobs and things to do but the sense of latent grief in the not so subtle mourning of the friends, activities and routines that you have left behind. In my experience, it took me about four months to get to the point where the novelty of my new living situation has worn off. The lack of novelty does not make the overall experience any less wonderful, but, it does force me to realize that everyone’s lives continue, including my own – making the new reality that much more poignant.
London is a wonderful city, vibrating with possibility, creative in its nature, and practically teeming with choices of things to do and people to meet. However, there becomes a time when the most mundane things that one could rely on are the things that you miss – the dry cleaner who knows your name and asks about your travel; the Sunday morning routine of brunch at your favourite restaurant, the paper and people watching; the sports matches and meetings of your favourite team and club; running into a friend that you haven’t seen in a while in the most random of places and the familiar faces and things, even at the grocery store. These are the things that you end up missing the most, even on a subconscious level.
All the new choices in things to make part of a routine can be overwhelming, not necessarily in a tragic and melodramatic way, but, in a realistic “Really?” sort of way. Sometimes, I still feel disconnected and a bit isolated from the reality of my own existence because nothing seems repeatable or predictable. Everything is a new experience, and while thrilling most of the time, sometimes it just gets old. There are times that the human condition needs that sense of the familiar in the face of novelty, the sense of belonging in the face of potential isolation and the sense of community while not sacrificing the individual achievement that got you there.
Anyway, I know it can sound like I am bemoaning the wonderful and great things that I’ve worked so hard to earn. The expat experience is a great and wonderful and a exciting adventure. Though, in every adventure, there are times that it can feel like more work than fun. Putting myself out there to be open to the magic of new friendships, experiences and places is the only way I can see myself getting through this.
And, this too shall pass. And now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go make myself some homemade macaroni and cheese and watch bad American television until I feel a little less disconnected.
Don’t judge me.
American Expat in London 