All I can say is “Ugh.”
One of the big things I love and hate about my experience over here is my commute from Paddington to Reading via train. I love it because I do not have the stress of driving for over an hour from Central London to Reading. Even though it is the reverse of the flow of traffic, the commute would make me lose my mind a few times.
Enter the First Great Western service from Paddington to Reading Central. It is completely a commuter rail from London to points west, such as Bristol Temple Meads, Oxford, Bath Spa and Bournemouth. Reading is usually the first stop on all of the long range trains with one or two trains per hour stopping at intermediate stations like Slough, Maidenhead, and Windsor. As most people who know me can attest, I am the opposite of a morning person. I’m a combination between Dagwood Bumstead from the Blondie comics and movies, Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets and a fire-breathing dragon. Some people that used to work for me would never talk to me before ten. And, I don’t blame them.
Anyway, paying attention to signs is important and Reading is Fundamental. This morning, I did neither. I quickly scanned the board for the next fast train to Reading, and according to the sign it was leaving from Platform 9. Well, Platforms 9 and 10 at Paddington are under construction and not well marked. I got to the platforms and asked the attendant “is this the train to Reading?” She said, ‘yes it is’, and I proceeded to board the train. Problem was, I boarded the train on Platform 10, and it was the slow train to Reading. Which takes DOUBLE THE TIME! By the time I figured it out, we were already on our way.
Shit.
As we approached Slough, which happens to be renowned around the UK as the place that should be completely bulldozed and rebuilt, I realized that I was now going to be 20 minutes late for my meeting at 9am, even though I left at 740.
God damn it.
Now, I am completely cursing myself as I approach the next three stops on the line. I guess it is now time to pay attention or up the caffeine content in my day – and no one wants me caffienated. Commuting is not rocket science, but it requires a certain level of consciousness.
So – moral of the story, get a god damned timetable at http://nationalrail.co.uk and read the lit signs before I get on the train. Or you, as the case may be.

Please can I warn you also about trains that split in half part way through your journey, and being wary about the driver’s definition of ‘front half’ and ‘back half’, if you can make out any of the announcements atall.
Please be reassured, the natives are as confused as you. xx
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XOXO, I figured. I almost got stuck on a train to Bournemouth because of that. I realized at the last minute that I was in the wrong part of the train.
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You would have been OK, that’s where I live, I could have bought you emergency caffeine.
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